Basic Instinct 2

My Basic Instinct was I HAD to go see this movie.

Last night was my friend Greg's Birthday 'drinks and a movie' night, so we went over to Farmers Market and grabbed a beer, then walked over to The Grove to catch the 8pm showing of: Basic Instinct 2.

Dun, Dun, Dunnnnn.



We walked into the theater expecting it to be empty, but there were probably 30 or so people there. Almost totally gay, minus the Asian couple behind us and the girl that was in our party. (Who knew we were a target audience?)


Short review:
It's Laugh Out Loud Awful. LIKE, REALLY awful. Like, worse than you could think.

Longer Review:
It's Laugh Out Loud Awful. LIKE, REALLY awful. Like, worse than you could think. (Like, two people from our group walked out because it was so bad.)

From the opening Fade In till the final Fade Out: I laughed, I covered my eyes, I covered my ears and I tried to go to sleep. I tried to figure out in WHAT order this thing was shot, I tried to figure out WHY it was shot. (Turns out Ms. Stone got paid $14 million against 15 percent of gross receipts, estimated at $93.3 million and FYI: in case you didn't hear, the film opened at #10 and brought in only $3,201,420 at the Box Office and this week it was #16 behind The Shaggy Dog and Larry The Cable Guy. Ouch.) All that and they also managed to work in a pantsuit for La Stone.

Now let's talk wig hair:

Who was the hair stylist on this job, Ray Charles? Maybe THIS is what killed him! Could NO ONE tell her hair was falling off her head for half the movie? It changed colors, it changed shapes, it changed textures,
it had bangs, it had layers...it had layered bangs
... what it didn't have was Bobby Pins.

...and there's the wardrobe:

What is that a trash bag? A Sleeping Bag? A Body Bag?


Things I never thought I would hear in a movie:
Catherine Tramell: Even Oedipus didn't see his mother coming.

Roy Washburn: What were you doing at 100 miles per hour?
Catherine Tramell: He was making me cum. And it was 110, we must've hit a pothole.
Roy Washburn: Kevin Franks died, you don't seem very worried.
Catherine Tramell: I am worried, worried that I'll never cum again.

Catherine Tramell: Some people like blondes, others like murderers.


Things I never thought I would say during a movie:
"If this is going to turn into another lesbian scene I am SO out of here."
"I love the movie Charlotte Rampling's acting in."
"Can you really jack off a dead guy?" (SHUT UP! I KNOW!)




HERE'S the Uncensored Promo reel containing the lesbian scene (I KNEW IT!), the 3-Way (I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING) and other scenes that were cut because they actually moved the plot forward.