Hereafter

After sitting in that theater for two and a half hours watching this crap flick, I'm pretty sure I died and came back! This clunker is long and boring. It wasn't until the sixty-first minute that anything ACTUALLY happens excluing the opening scene which doesn't really set anything up except for the reason for the 100 Million dollar budget!


Directed by Clint Eastwood, why I don't know, the movie tells three parallel stories about three people affected by death in different ways. Matt Damon plays George, a psychic (ala 1978's The Fury, if you ask me) and Jay Mohr plays his douche of a brother. Jenifer Lewis is in the movie for like 28 seconds, which just sucks because she's always so good. Cécile de France gives an enchanting performance as Marie and my new husband, after Austin's Weatherman Mark Chapin of course, Thierry Neuvic is wonderful to watch...and listen to speak French...and gawk at:

Here's my issue with this flick: NOTHING HAPPENS! There's a bunch of really lovely scenes. Some emotional. Some impacting. One moved me to tears! BUT NOTHING HAPPENS!!!!! It wasn't one of those "slice-of-life" films like I think they thought it was. It's more like someone's artsy attempt at trying to montage three brilliant movie ideas together, but they couldn't figure out how to, so they just end it with some abrupt Saturday Night Live skit ending because no one could think of anything else to write.

Matt Damon: yawn. Clint Eastwood's directing: yawnier. The audience walking out after the film: yawniEST!!!

You don't need to ACTUALLY die and come back to see what death is like. Go sit in a theatre and watch this mess. THAT is what death is like!

They're Playing Our Song

...no. No they are not.

Leap of Faith - The Musical

Last night I went to a preview of the new musical Leap of Faith now playing at The Ahmanson Theatre through October 24th, 2010.

The first act, is awful.

Not awful, like BAD, awful like: WHO CARES!? It's got the SAME color scheme of the musical Oklahoma, the SAME backdrop of the 'Kansas' scenes from a tour of The Wizard of Oz, the SAME costuming from a High School production of West Side Story during 'Dance at the Gym', the SAME plot of 'Ya Got Trouble' from The Music Man...the list goes on and on. Showing here:


And it's apparent I wasn't the only one who thought that, because the people next to us walked out half way through the first act...when, if I had attended this performance alone, I would have walked out too.

But I didn't. Which is a choice I am very happy with, looking back.

The second act was strong. Like REALLY strong.

And good.

As a matter of fact, the finale received a standing ovation which I was PROUDLY a part of.

...Now then, before I get ahead of myself, for those of you who DON'T know here's a short and sweet synopsis c/o Wikipedia of the musical based on the 1992 film starring Steve Martin:

"When his traveling ministry breaks down in a small Kansas town, part-time reverend and full-time con artist (Jonas Nightingale played by Raúl Esparza) quickly pitches a tent and invites the locals to a revival. The sheriff is determined to stop Jonas from separating the townspeople from their money, but Jonas’ real challenge arises when he meets a pretty waitress (Marva McGowan played by Brooke Shields) and her son, whose love forces an ultimate cynic to take a real leap of faith."

Fine, okay, good.

The first act opens with a VERY interesting dance piece. It was interesting to me because I felt that you, as an audience member, had to stop watching the dancing itself, which was fantastic, and instead step back and see what the dancing actually meant. What they were trying to convey. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I liked it the way I loved the opening of Spring Awakening with the blue light bulbs, et al...WONDERFUL, but MUCH like Spring Awakening, it wasn't enough and it didn't set the piece up right and I wanted to walk out two musical numbers in.

Which, by the way, for Spring Awakening: I did. (Stupid, piece of shit musical...)

Speaking of musical numbers, there are WAY too many in the first act. Cut some shit, people. We get it, you've got a Gospel Choir and they can sing. We don't need eighty-two 45 minute sets from everyone. We got it with the first one, we endured the third one and after that it's overkill. Also, there are these useless ballet/dream sequence transitions thingys that happen between almost every scene change. But it's not like they are PART of the scene change, they are in addition to. A scene ends, then they come in and dance, they exit, THEN the set changes. It's like the four-time Tony Award nominee, five-time Olivier Award nominee, Emmy Award winner, Drama Desk winner, and Outer Critics Circle Award winner director/choreographer just wanted to say: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

We got it...WITH THE OPENING... and just like a guy at a bathhouse with no mouth, this isn't servicing anybody.

Raúl Esparza, frankly, I hated. WAY too cocky, nothing likable about him (which to me translates into BAD actor with worse direction), he sings WAY too hard because he's aware the audience is bored by his performance and I just kept thinking 'You're NOT Jonathan Price, this isn't The Engineer from Miss Saigon. Relax. It'll be okay." He was GREAT in one scene opposite Brooke Shields, but I think that's because Brooke Shields was acting her face off. So with THAT said, it could be just a boring script that SHE knows how to work around and he doesn't.

Which leads me to Brooke Shields.

The critics are gonna tear her apart because "She can't sing". It's not that she can't sing, it's that the music is ALL wrong for her. I thought she was great. That bitch was ACTING! She was funny, she was heartfelt, she was sincere...again, I thought she was GREAT. They just need to get someone in there that can sing THIS music or change it so it fits HER vocal range.

I mean if Glenn Close can 'sing' Sunset Boulevard, Brooke Shields can sing Leap of Faith.

Nicholas Barasch, who plays her son Boyd McGowan, was wonderful. He's stealing the show. "A" because he's good. "B" because the vocal score is PERFECT for him and "C" because he's not trying. (ARE YOU LISTENING RAÚL ESPARZA!?!?) Jarrod Emick (Sheriff Will Braverman) was LOVELY. I wish they would have made his solo MORE of a solo. Kecia Lewis-Evans was fabulous as Ida Mae. I don't get the ensemble girl dressed up like she walked in off a production of The Life, but whatever: the show needed tits and legs, and she had 'em both. Kendra Kassebaum was an interesting choice for the role of Sam, Jonas' sister. Kassebaum is REALLY funny and genuinely brilliant, which if you saw her as Glinda in Wicked you would know what I mean, but I felt that she was trying to make more out of her role than there actually was. (Which I give her props for.) Maybe she knows the show IS a comedy, or at least is SUPPOSED to be and no one else knows that. Frankly though, that doesn't make her STAND out, it makes her STICK out. I don't know. It's all very confusing. Hopefully it will all come together as the show runs.

One of the kick-ass Act Two numbers.

All in all, if you have ANY interest in seeing this show, I WOULD take a leap of faith to see if you can make it through to the second act and then onto the finale. They just need to cut a bunch of shit from the first half, move some of the act two showstoppers to the top and tell Raúl Esparza that he can't be jealous of the little boy stealing the show and that he's NOT carrying the show because Brooke Shields 'can't sing'. If you make it the entire way, I think you'll be very glad you did...as you stand there in your ovation celebrating a FANTASTIC ending to a REALLY crappy beginning.

Have some Faith. I'm glad I did.

The Town

First off, I get that it's the #1 film at the box office right now, but frankly I don't care. I'll have nun of that, thank you very much.



Did I hate it? No. Was it good? Ugh. Would I see it again? No. Would I tell friends to go see it? If they think 'Boston Accent' = acting: Yes.

"The Town is an action crime thriller starring, co-written and directed by Ben Affleck that is based on Chuck Hogan's novel Prince of Thieves."

ooOOOOooooh. Sounds deep.

As you've probably seen by the trailer, a team of four masked-men and lifelong friends from the tough streets of Charlestown Massachusetts, rob a bank and after a silent alarm is tripped by one of the employees, Jem takes the bank manager hostage.

Hmmm. Okay. I'm intrigued.

Once the team has escaped from the bank, they let her go (Yep, you guessed it: the bank manager is a pretty and dateable woman) but the loose cannon co-boss "Jem" (NOT of the Holograms, thank you) quickly realizes from taking her driver's license that she lives four blocks from Gloansy (someone's last name) and decides he should confront her to make sure she does not speak to the authorities.

Hmmm...oh...kay... but then what hap-

Doug (Affleck) fears that Jem will make things worse ('cause he's a little crazy, ya see...) and takes on the assignment himself, following her and eventually meeting up with her at a laundromat where, after noticing she is still very shaken by the robbery, he asks her out on a date.

WHO WOULDN'T!?!?

The next night, before they go out, Claire confesses that she is still traumatize- YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA INTERRUPT HERE. Let me guess what happens? They fall in love? Am I right? AM I RIGHT?!?!?

Ugh. Wanna Walkout Point #1.

People: whatever you think is gonna happen. Is gonna happen. Lemme just tell you. The dialogue is laughable at parts. And I'm not just talking ME laughing out loud, I'm talking about MULTIPLE people laughing out loud and then other people laughing at those people because they were thinking the same thing. THAT is how bad the acting is.


Side note: Rebecca Hall you are NO Molly Ringwald. There will never be ANOTHER Molly Ringwald. Please stop.

Side, side note: Ben Affleck you are NO Ryan Reynolds. Put it and the accent away.


Okay where were we? Ah yes: Meanwhile, FBI agent Adam Frawley (Jon Hamm) is in charge of the case surrounding the recent robbery by MacRay and his crew. When Jem approaches Doug with another job, he initially turns it down, explaining that he is leaving town and taking blah, blah, blah...

Wanna Walkout Point #2

I didn't though, because I HAD to wait and see if someone who deserved to get shot was going to. Yep: THEY GOT ME! DAMN IT!!!

Was I glad I stayed? Honestly: yes. Much like a movie with Australian accents: once my ear adjusted, but in this case to the bad acting, there was some GREAT action. Like, better than Passenger 57. I liked the ending minus the VERY last shot. Again, laughable.

I have never thought ANYTHING about Ben Affleck, so after this performance that still holds. Um, I don't watch Mad Men, so I have NO idea about Jon Hamm but believe me when I say he's not picking up any new viewers from THIS gig. Jeremy Renner was fine. TYPICAL but fine. Blake Lively tried for her dear life to be Sharon Stone from Casino, alas no dice. Chris Cooper needed some money, so he's in there along with Victor Garber and Pete Postlethwaite.

If I were you, I would just Netflix it...and then Facebook while you're waiting for the action scenes.

In The Heights

Last night I went and saw the tour of In The Heights at The Pantages Theatre... and I loved it.

This cast was SO good. I cried over and over again, not just because of the subject matter but also because it was one of those things where you're like: They are SO good and TOTALLY singing and dancing their hearts out and this is SO amazing.

Long story SUPER short: this show is about a group of Hispanic people in Washington Heights.

If you want a little longer description: It's about family, pride, life, fulfillment and choices...set to salsa music with a dose of rap...well...WRAPPED in contemporary broadway power ballads.

Full recap would include: Usnavi owns a bodega where his cousin Sonny helps him out and everyone gets their morning coffee. Nina Rosario is home from her freshman year at Stanford having not felt the best about it. Nina's parents, Kevin and Camila are broke and their employee Benny likes Nina. At the hair salon across the street, Vanessa wants to move downtown, but can't afford to and across from them lives the 'mother' of the neighborhood Abuela Claudia.

All I knew about this show was a few of the songs: Breathe, It Won't Be Long Now and When You're Home. I was totally freaked out that those songs were ALL in the first act, like, sort of right away so I got nervous the other music wouldn't be as good because soundtrack wise, they didn't really catch my attention.

I was totally wrong.

Came home and downloaded the rest of the soundtrack. SO GOOOD!



Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the Tony Award winning score and has performed the role of Usnavi on and off AND on and off-broadway since inception. (He's also working on the film version) THis guy is STILL as fresh as EVER! AS EVER!!!!! Shaun Taylor-Corbett was freakin' AMAZING as Sonny. (This is his final week in the tour and moves to Broadway on July 29th! So if you're in L.A.: SEE HIM!!!!) Arielle Jacobs as Nina was great. My expectations of 'Breathe' were high, because Mandy Gonzalez's original broadway cast album is SO perfect and I recently cried listening to Anne Fraser Thomas sing it at her cabaret show at The Magic Castle. And while she didn't quite reach THEM, the rest of her performance was wonderful and her singing spot on.

Rogelio Douglas Jr.'s Benny was out of control brilliant. Lexi Lawson was our Vanessa (there are three on this tour for various dates) and she was sexy, sassy and throughly enjoyable. Another stand out for me was Daniel Bolero as Nina's father Kevin. He remined me of Philip Quast as Peron in the London revival of Evita. Every time Quast came on stage, you could feel the entire audience shift to watch, see, hear what he was doing. The show was called Evita, about Evita, sung 3/4 BY Evita and yet every time Philip Quast came on stage, no one gave a SHIT about Evita. THAT'S how good I thought Daniel Bolero was.

Now then, book wise, I felt like the entire first act was a bunch of sketches and novelty songs linked together. (shout out to [tos]) I get that you need to meet everybody and hear about their issues but it was WAY too simplistic. It was like they were holding a monologue competition on the set of Little Shop of Horrors on a night when the theater was dark.

However, I had Paciencia y Fe and act two was FULL of fabulousness both script wise and beyond.

I would TOTALLY go back and see it again. Great musical and emotional release. GO SEE THIS TOUR! HERE IS THE UPCOMING SCHEDULE!

The Kids Are All Right

(In honor of it being Reviews For Jake's birthday (not the blog's, but the ACTUAL Reviews for Jake person) he got to select what movie to review next! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!!!!)


Let's put it this way: The Kids Are All Right ...and the film is too.


The Kids Are All Right is about Jules and Nic, a lesbian couple, who are the mothers of two children, Joni and Laser, by artificial insemination. When Joni turns eighteen, her younger brother Laser asks her to contact the sperm bank in order to meet their biological father...and then drama occurs.

I don't care how you film it, who is in it, which theatre it's playing at or what the subject matter is: this is an art film.

A talking, BIG wordy, preachy, message film that tries to sell itself as a gay film but then only shows straight people fucking. (Not that I'm complaining about watching Mark Ruffalo's ass bouncing up and down, 'cause I'm not. I love him. But gimme a fuckin' break, Hollywood!)

I wanted to walk out twice. The first time I gathered my stuff to leave but then the actors finally STOPPED using big words and sentences (that I think were supposed to make me think / impress me with their "brainy" script) and decided to do something. So I stayed.

Glad I did. It finally started to get interesting.

The second time I wanted to walk out was because everyone and their choices had become SO fucking typical. Typical of their characters, typical of movies, typical of art films. Yes, even the talented Julianne Moore.

I know this film premiered at Sundance (which should have been a personal red flag for me) and wowed them (which should have been ANOTHER personal red flag for me) but there is NOTHING new here people.


Annette Bening's character is a bitch. A drunk and a bitch. A TYPICAL movie drunk bitch. It's probably not her fault, but bad direction.

Julianne Moore's character is maybe, perhaps the most honest character.

Mark Ruffalo is sexy, as usual, and pretty fucking charming even if his character doesn't realize he DOESN'T have it all together.

Mia Wasikowska. Hated her in Alice in Wonderland and can't watch her in this either. Was Dakota Fanning NOT available?!?!

Josh Hutcherson is good, I just...didn't really care about him. Again, script or direction.

Maybe I was looking for an ACTUAL gay film when I went to see this and that's where this review is coming from. I LOVE that it dealt with a gay family and it had super stars and that it's "mainstream", but as far as gay film goes, it really was just...all right. With that said, the reason I was happy that I did stay and didn't walk out the second time I wanted to, was because of the scene before the ending. Brought me to tears.

SO GOOD.

Julianne and Annette were DELICIOUS. Fucking beautiful and forgiving. It's that big finish people. Give 'em a great ending and they'll forgive you for anything...except when you have to recap it in a review.

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor." -Joan Rivers

I've always loved Joan Rivers. I remember her talk show when I was a kid and I loved it. I've always thought she was funny and even when I went and saw her one woman show a few years ago at the now defunct Canon Theater in Beverly Hills with my friend Buck Davis, I still loved her even though I thought she looked more like Madame than she did the Joan Rivers I so fondly remember.

This documentary made me love her all over again...and maybe even more.


Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work follows Joan through a year in the life of one of the only remaining performers who were brought up in the time when beating the pavement was the only way to get a job.

And at 77 years old, she's still doing it.

Whether you know all there is to know about Miss Rivers or you don't know much about her at all, this piece really opens your eyes and mind about her. It tackles EVERYTHING. Her past, her future, her plastic surgery, her struggle, her fame, Melissa AND how the struggle of an artist is never ending. (Even though Forbes has her personal net worth at 290 million dollars.)


“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”-Joan Rivers

I personally laughed OUT LOUD over and over again. She's hysterical. In fact I think she's more hysterical OFF stage than she is on. The film captures her just being... her. (And being her is hysterical. She's fuckin' hysterical.) The film also brought tears to my eyes. They didn't do it in a depressing, sad old lady way, they did it in the "beneath all the plastic surgery scars that have healed, there are emotional scars that won't" way.

It's real. She's real.

It's great.

(At this point I wanted to put the trailer to the film but I didn't see it before I went and everything was so fresh and funny and new and none of the great one liners were given away... so I don't want to ruin anything for you. But if YOU want to ruin things for you OR simply be excited about what this film has in store for you: CLICK HERE FOR THE MOVIE TRAILER)


“Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.” -Joan Rivers

Things I LOVED about this film. She's charming, determined, you get to see her find herself so funny (and THAT'S so funny) and you get to see her without make-up.

What I appreciate about this film is that it's not a total sell-out OR a complete up-sale of Joan Rivers. She's older, her audience isn't growing, her material is sometimes stale, people just think of her as a plastic surgery freak. ALL of this is included. A Piece of Work shows EVERY side of her. You don't have to love her, but you will. You don't have to respect her, but you will. You don't have to think she's funny, but I promise you will.

You don't even have to think she's a legend, but after watching this film...you will.

Sad In My City

Sex and the City 2
Long review short: I walked out.

Long review longer: The film opened today in the U.S. and opens tomorrow in the U.K. (I hope the U.K. doesn't read any of the U.S. reviews...or maybe I do...)

I knew NOTHING about this film until the bad reviews started being posted everywhere (of which, I read none. And yes: I CAN read!) and then people started posting Liza Minnelli's cover of Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' all over the Facebook. (So there's that spoiler.) OH and then of course EVERYONE knew that Aidan was back.

Anyhoo, the movie MORE OR LESS brings the audience up to speed on what the girls have been up to in like the first 10 minutes of the 2 hour and 30 minute film. (You heard me: Two and a half hours...I lasted one and a half...where the movie SHOULD have ended.) After that there's a wedding (see how I don't ruin things?) and this is when we find out the film should have been called BUDGET and the City. Good GOD that wedding scene looked fucking expensive. People were shitting diamonds and eating gold while swimming in emeralds and burning hundred dollar bills to frighten away the unicorned swans.

We get it kids, you got money this time...A LOT.

Where was I? Oh, so as we all figured anyway, Big and Carrie are having marriage issues (yawn), Charlotte isn't as happy as she'd thought she be (Um, didn't I see this in the Act Two opening of Into The Woods?), Samantha is having trouble getting it up (quelle surprise!? Is that ALL they could come up with?) and Miranda is still married to one ball with that NOT cute kid of theirs.

Now, it doesn't matter how, but a Sheik approaches Samantha to go to Abu Whatsitcalled to make his hotel as big a star as she made Smith Jarrod.

*At this point I would like EVERYONE to relax. The entire film DOES not take place in the Middle East. Only the last hour. Unless they left the middle east when I left my middle seat.

When they get on the airline to go to Kareem Abu, this is when the TRAGIC tourism commercial starts and doesn't end until you...well, I walk out. Seriously, it's laughable. We get it: THEY FINANCED THE FILM. But what I don't get is that these girls are the cream of the crop and have seen and done everything. Living in a GIANT hotel and flying on a private plane doesn't need to take up 20 minutes, which really feels like 20 years.

Whatever. Anyway, after we see ALL that Morocco Abu Ghraib has to offer, Carrie runs into Aidan while shopping for...wait for it...wait for it... shoes.

I have no idea what this movie is and/or was about. I even went on to Wikipedia to read what happens and I STILL don't know, or care, what happens. The scene the sent me over the edge was as they were driving from the shopping alley through the desert, they past a billboard of The King of Siam or whoever and they do this weird zoom thing that gave me immediate flashbacks of Protocol with Goldie Hawn and thought if THIS is where they're going with this: I'M OUT!



I guess as you can tell I actually hated the film and didn't realize it until I started typing. I just wanted it to be SO good. I wanted to catch up with my girls and have a cosmo (you should have at least 2 if you still plan on going to see it) and get inspired by their clothes. But I didn't. I mean on top of everything else, the film just felt stale as a whole. Like WE had grown and they had not. Which I can't get. If even not at characters, at LEAST as actors they should have grown a little.

I will say Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie, was the only one who didn't seem schticky. Sure the character still had life issues but the actress kept it real. She still made you smile, she still made her perfect jokes, she still justifiably argued really well and she still dressed like a million bucks. (minus that hat at the wedding. Is that thing even REALLY a hat? ) Samantha seemed exhausted and at a few points it looked like they did pickup shots months later and she had had some kind of 'procedure' done. But PEOPLE: We expect her to get laid, we expect her to be naked, we expect to see some hot guy's ass, but after you show all of that in the first 25 minutes of the film, it's the same old stuff (but not good this time) and it's boring. LIKE TWO MORE HOURS BORING.

Add to that Charlotte is now just a caricature of herself. ( It's all eyes and headbands, people.) and then there's poor Kate Jackson Miranda. Ouch. Jokes falling flat, outfits not quite perfect, rushing to get her out of every scene. Wow. It's just...wow. Kill her off already for God's sakes!

I did not see this scene but it looks like Patricia Field took a day off and Edina from AbFab took over.

Didn't see this scene either. Don't care. They're still on sand hiding their denial. I did that in eighth grade.

This was the photo I saw that should have given me the heads up the film wasn't going to work. Karaoke? Really? I hate you.

No good can come of karaoke in a movie. Didn't the writer see Duets?

See What I Wanna See

This past Sunday I had the PRIVILEGE to see the west coast premiere of See What I Wanna See at The Blank Theater.

It was AMAZING.

To begin to tell you what it's about is a little hard. It's a musical by Michael John LaChiusa based on three short stories by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa. It sounds SUPER arty, but it's not. Don't let that scare you. It's not artsy for arts sake, it's thought provoking, moving, interesting and compelling.

I'm one of those guys that will happily click through itunes when they give me suggestions of things I might like. One time SWIWS was featured and I clicked through to it. Not knowing ANYTHING about the show, there WERE a few songs that I downloaded because they were SO good (Including Kesa and There Will Be A Miracle). The soundtrack as a whole is REALLY hard to follow and sounds WAY off-broadway, which is SURE to turn some people off (think Drowsy Chaperone), but in context the music is wonderful, creative and new. (Again, think Drowsy Chaperone)

Leading the talented cast is 2009 Olivier Award (the UK equivalent of the Tony Awards) Winner Lesli Margherita as the role originally played by Audra McDonald in conception and Idina Menzel in production and I gotta tell you: Lesli gives them a run for their money, not just vocally but as an actress and performer. Margherita gives you the entire package and actually made me think there was NO WAY Idina could have done this role justice. Lesli makes you laugh, cry, think, hate and love. There wasn't a single thing wrong with her performance.

Doug Carpenter is the male lead and again another brilliant performer. His voice is sexy and luscious, his performance provocative and his undertaking of making the subject matter relatable, understandable and justifiable is a talent all in it's own. (If you want to just see him be handsome and sing his guts out, check out his upcoming cabaret debut at Sterling's Upstairs May 30th!)

The rest of the fabulous cast is rounded out with Jason Graae, Perry Ojeda and Suzan Soloman. Graae gives a classic Broadway performance, Perry is awesome in the second act and Suzan did a fabulous job singing one of the songs I downloaded (and didn't want to be ruined OR I'D KILL HER) There Will Be A Miracle.

Of course I'm BITTER that I didn't see this sooner so that I could tell you all to go out and see it, but since it MUST CLOSE on Sunday May 30th, 2010 YOU HAVE TO GO SEE IT! BUY TICKETS HERE!!!

MacGruber

Here's the thing: it got me. I don't know HOW, but it got me.

Was it hysterical? Yes, parts. Was it boring? Like two parts but that's okay, it gives you time to recover from some hysterical scenes and go over what you want to do after the movie, in your head. (We're VERY busy people you and I!). Is it worth $13.50? Yes and no. I didn't walk out, so I didn't feel gypped but I would have TOTALLY felt like it was WAY worth it if it were a $7.50 matinee. (Do they even still have those? *sigh* I don't want to get old...)

Story Synopsis:
MacGruber is about... well, MacGruber.

First thing: I hate Ryan Phillippe. Second thing: I hate stunt casting. (Sorry Mr. Witherspoon you're shit out of luck on this one.)

Will Forte (who is KILLING on 30 Rock right now) as MacGruber is EXACTLY the way he is in the SNL skits, so if you don't like 'em, I don't know if you should go. Whenever I watch the skits I always think: "I get that they're supposed to be funny, I just don't know why I don't laugh."


The reason I went to the film REALLY was for Kristen Wiig. (P.S.: that link is to her super useless website) As Vicki St. Elmo she's funny, but just like MOST SNL flicks, something is ALWAYS falling short. Like why is she dressed like the 70's when it's OBVIOUSLY a movie that takes place in the 80's? Is that supposed to be funny? I don't know. She's funny, but she's not always funny...and that clothes gag isn't funny at all. We get it: your Cords have Cameltoe. NEXT!

(Not a good upsale, I know. Fine. She's funny. As a matter of fact Daniel and I laughed for the rest of the day after one of her lines... so she was FRICKIN' HYSTERICAL!!!)

Um, whatelse? Uh, Val Kilmer got hungry. Like REAL hungry. I don't know WHAT they're feeding these aging male 80's stars, but Val Kilmer is more bloated than the new Two Tons of Fun: Tom Hanks and John Travolta.

Yeah you know what, I'm still not upsaleing this movie yet... IT'S FUNNY! It's funny because you don't know what to expect or maybe because you hate the skits and think there's NO WAY it could actually be funny, so since you're expectations are so low there's no way it could fail.

I think what people are going to be amazed by are "A" There's an ACTUAL plot. It's simplistic, but it's a plot. "B" The sight-gags, gross out humor and lines crossed. There's a lot of them and they're funny. I don't know WHAT Ryan Phillippe got paid to do some of the stuff he did, but I'm sure it wasn't enough. (Or apparently, it was.)

I will say this: I wanted it a little more Naked Gun-esque. THEN it would have been genius.


In closing: SNL movies are usually so "Bubblegum" and this was NOT. This was VERY Something About Mary humor, you know back when that first came out, and it made you wonder if this is what SNL would be like if it were on cable.

..and if being on cable would be a good thing.

How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

Reprise! concluded their 2009-2010 season with Frank Loesser's homage to corporate America HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING. In these current times when businesses are failing, this production does not.

The most I REALLY knew about this production was the performance from the 1995 Tony Awards featuring Matthew Broderick and favorite Broadway diva Lillias White. It's a 'classic' musical, as my friend Daniel says, which always makes me think of Oklahoma which ALWAYS makes me think of slitting my wrists. WHO CAN SIT THROUGH THAT SHIT?!

Well, boy was I wrong.

Long story short, this musical is about a guy who wants to climb his way up the corporate ladder and can't take any time to be detoured by slackers, missed opportunities...or love. (Ahh, musicals.) Josh Grisetti stars as THAT guy: J. Pierrepont Finch. He was WONDERFUL. Charming, funny, talented and a great voice. His arch-nemesis, Bud Frump, is played by The Big Bang Theory's Simon Helberg. On one hand he was great, on the other hand it's really a hard role to play because there is NOTHING redeeming about him so in the end you hate the character's guts and in the VERY end, I'm talking curtain call people, you don't want to clap for him 'cause he's such a douche. I couldn't figure out if that was Simon's fault or that he was just the victim of a good playwright.

John O'Hurley was totally enjoyable as the big boss Mr. Biggley. At our performance he flubbed a line and sent the entire scene, actors and audience into hysterics. It was VERY Hairspray's 'Timeless To Me' banter (if you're reading this website I'm assuming you'll know what I'm talking about). I was VERY proud of 'Finch' for being able to hold his own with the big boys and giving us one of the moments and reasons we attend musical theatre. Nicole Parker from MadTV was lovely. I don't really have much to say about it because it's a SUPER whiny-female-in-the-50's-I-have-to-get-married role that I just can't deal with.

With that said: Vicki Lewis, one of my ALL TIME favorites from TV's Newsradio, stole the show as secretary to the stars: Smitty. EVERYTHING she did was hysterically brilliant. Entrances, exits, holds, looks. All of it. She's doing an upcoming version of Funny Girl in Sacramento, that I may just have to go and see.


Here's a clip from the Tony Awards of the 1995 revival:


Although our production didn't have a sassy black woman who sang her ass off, this production worked it's ass off like any good employee who should be promoted does. This is the third production I've see at Reprise! and this one will bring me back for another. Congrats gang. Hopefully our economy will have the perfect happy ending that your production provides.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

I didn't hate it. Let's just get that out of the way: it wasn't a complete nightmare. (Pun possibly intended...)


Much like while watching the new Clash of the Titans, I tried not to hold against this film the experience I had watching the original movies when they first came out. (Um, when did I start getting old enough for them to remake my childhood films?! Mom, Non-Dad, I apologize for mocking your anger when they remade Alfie and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner).

Things I liked about this new version: I was scared. Like covering my eyes a few times because I knew I wasn't going to be able to handle being scared out of my chair and then mocked by the entire theater. (Yes, I'm referring to my experience watching Misery in 1990. Full theater + me screaming = Entire theater laughing at me and Jeff not coming to my rescue...this would continue on through most of my Freshman year in High School...).

I liked what they updated to... you know: RELATE to today's teenagers: Ipods, micro-naps, cops that taser you and yell 'Fuck' a lot for no reason. (Back in my day, they didn't do that. They said you're under arrest and then you said 'Okay' and then you got in the car and enjoyed your scenic, though screened, ride to your jail cell).

I also liked what their take on the UPDATED Characters is/was/are/were:

"Rod" Jsu Garcia / Thomas Dekker "Jesse"
Apparently sexy ethnic transfers to Adam Lambert knock-off

'Glen' Johnny Depp / Kyle Gallner 'Quentin'
See, in the 80's boyfriends supported you and wanted to just hang out and listen to their Walkman with their over-sized headphones. NOW they just want you to take their prescription medication and shut up.

That's not nice, 2010 boyfriends.

'Tina' Amanda Wyss / Katie Cassidy 'Still Tina'
Take a look people. See what 20 years did to sluts? On the left, just a girl who likes to have sex and then get murdered. She doesn't LOOK like a whore. She doesn't DRESS like a whore, she just simply IS one. (and we know that by her 1984 Madonna eyebrows) The New Tina however, has more tits than hair extensions and believe me when I say: that's a lot. Her constant lip gloss, even when sleeping, along with her constant short shorts...yep, even when sleeping, leads you to WANTING her to get killed just so that then the homeless drag queens of America will have enough cosmetic supplies for the rest of their lives because of all the products she'll have left behind.

'Nancy' Heather Langenkamp / Rooney Mara 'Edgy Nancy'
Judging by the the picture on the left, that girl would be classified as a nerd. But she wasn't. Nerd Girls don't wear sweater vests, only rich ones do....DID. Sure her mom was a drunk, but that's okay because our girl's perm is growing out. Yes, kids THAT was an 'Outsider' in the 80's. Here in the "Zeros", the girl on the right is all edgy and dirty and can't dress herself well so she comes off as alternative but she's gonna prove she's actually someone by sketching with charcoal because charcoal is depressing (like her oily hair) and color-pencils mean that she hasn't struggled enough in her teenage angst years while watching Daria and totally relating.


Things I didn't like: Drunk Mom is now Tina's mother and gets one line and is never seen again. EVERYONE LOVED how drunk mom stole every scene she was in, in the original. Now: nothing.

Umm, I didn't like Freddy's new make-up. You can totally see their thought behind it: "We have money now, let's make him look like an ACTUAL burn victim. You know where stuff is melted together so they can't really talk and it's hard to understand them and you can't really tell what they're doing? Yeah like that!" Um, yeah..and that's JUST how it came across: He couldn't move his mouth, everything was dubbed and he hid in the shadows for 7/8ths of the film because it was NOT a good make-up job. He looks like a dusty Mummy.

I hated that Nancy couldn't do it alone in the new version. This is SUCH a typical message nowadays. I thought about it while watching a particular scene and said to myself that Nancy was a MUCH stronger female character in the original. Girl's could walk away thinking they could do anything, come up with anything and protect themselves while doing it. Not this one, honey. You need a man or else you're dead.

I REALLY HATED that they go into what Freddy REALLY did for the parents to turn on him. I guess in the '00's no one has imagination or can't figure anything out so EVERY THING needs to be spelled out and then explicitly shown, whereas 'back then' we could figure it out/knew what was going on and thought that 'spelling it out' was amateurish. DUH HE WAS A PEDOPHILE!!! NO SHIT!!!! I DON'T WANT TO WATCH SCENE AFTER SCENE ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE. I'm good. It's not scary. What's scary is that the filmmakers think that they're smart and cool and newfangled because they're telling you what you already knew, but you had never SEEN it before, so it doesn't count that you knew it.

The final thing I hated (POSSIBLE SPOILER!!!!!) was that Freddy no longer drags his claws to make that screeching noise that gave us ACTUAL nightmares. Um, ARE YOU KIDDING ME PEOPLE!?!?! That's a signature move. Taking away that screech is like taking away Saved By The Bell's Screech. It just doesn't work without it.

Up In The Air

I wish this review were brought to you by American Airlines and Hilton Hotels much like this movie was, but it's not. (...and THAT should conclude my bitchiness for this review, 'cause I LOVED THIS MOVIE!)

See, my friend Beverly asked if I had seen Up in the Air and I had not. As a matter of fact I didn't really care about seeing it even with it's six Academy Award nominations.

What a mistake. Great flick.

Long story short this film is an adaptation of the 2001 novel of the same name, written by Walter Kirn. The story is about a "corporate downsizer" named Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) and his travels, life and philosophies... and the people he meets along the way. I don't really want to say anything more because I didn't know a THING about it except that it's about a guy who works for a company that other people hire to fly out and fire their employees. That's all anyone REALLY ever said about it and that worked out BRILLIANTLY for me.

But it's about SO much more. It's about life, choices, desires, missions, expectations, family, trust, hope and of course, love.


Along the way he meets Alex (Vera Farmiga who is SO freaking charming!!!) and what you think is going to be a terminal relationship (See what I did there? Airport comedy. Works every time.) turns into SO much more. Jason Bateman portrays Clooney's boss and calls him back to the office to meet a new employee named Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) who is completely different from him and instead of it being a crappy movie formula, she ends up opening both the eyes of the viewer, her onscreen co-stars and even herself.

(She looks like a VERY angry Stephanie Tanner from Full House, no?)

Seriously: I laughed a LOT, I cried more than I expected, I was charmed often and even got a few of those "Oh-my-God-NO Chills". Um, there was this convention party scene that I have NO idea what the hell the point of it was, but whatever, and every ONCE in a while, the film breaks away from the two relationships you want to follow (and those moments = boring times) but those moments could just be palette cleansers to make sure that YOU'RE sure that you care about the characters.

I will say the end of the movie was SUPER predictable...the very end was not and the very, VERY end was perfect. SEE IT!

Date Night

I have to tell you, I was PLEASENTLY surprised by this film. Steve Carrell drives me ABSOLUTELY fucking crazy and he didn't bother me...like, not at all. Who knew? Tina Fey of course was great. VERY funny.

The plot of the movie is more or less this: Phil and Claire Foster (Steve Carell and Tina Fey) are a married couple from New Jersey with children whose life has become routine. Included in this routine is their weekly "date night" at a local steakhouse. They learn that their best friends, Brad (Mark Ruffalo, always sexy) and Haley (Kristen Wiig, not really a 'film' actress I think), are getting a divorce, so in an effort to reignite their marriage, Phil takes Claire to a trendy Manhattan restaurant where they can't get a table so Phil decides spice up the evening by taking a reservation from a no-show couple, the Tripplehorns.

Dun,Dun,fun. Comedy ensues.

A bunch of people are in this film: Ray Liotta (wearing WAY too much eyeliner), Mark Wahlberg (sexy as always), James Franco (again, sexy as always), Mila Kunis and Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson. Every NOW and then there is crappy 'romantic comedy' dialogue but for the most part it's a comedy with actually really good action.

I recommend it.


Um, I didn't see ONE preview for this film before I went and honestly I just went because it was Tina Fey and despite that it was Steve Carrell, but if YOU want to see the trailer here it is, but I gotta tell you. The trailer makes it look kinda crappy and typical but I didn't think it really was. To me, it was genuinely funny and genuinely exciting:



Oh and stay for a few outtakes during the ending credits. I love me some outtakes and there are a couple of REALLY funny ones...

A tax year in review!

As I was doing my expenses for my taxes this year, I came across all the ticket stubs of the movies I've been to. I'm writing them all off, but some I'd like to write off more than others.

Ponyo-

Loved it. Who knew? Totally interesting and captivated the entire time.

Julie & Julia-
LOVE the 'Julia', HATE the Julie.

District 9-

Yawn. Best Picture, REALLY? At The Razzie's maybe. I get it. It's a movie about the Apartheid. (no matter HOW much you wanna pretend that it's about xenophobia!) Whatever. I'll take a message movie ANYTIME but not when the word Prawn is used...

The Proposal-

I don't know HOW, but it got me. Especially that scene when she's trying to go to sleep. HYSTERICAL! I love me some Betty White, but not when she's stunt cast. Sorry.

The Last Beekeeper-

REALLY interesting and well done. I even went on a weekend trip this year to witness what the film is about.

The Hangover-

Overall: HYSTERICAL! A few things bugged me about it, but who gives a shit. I laughed my ass off.

Observe and Report-

Umm, Seth Rogan is about as funny as Kevin James. (That's not a compliment...)

Angels & Demons-

Tom Hanks bloated and not acknowleding his hairline...or lack thereof...while running through the streets and sewers of Italy using all the dialogue from National Treasure 2 starring Nicolas Cage. No, thanks you. I will say I do have sympathy though, this must have been a REALLY boring film to shoot...because it was REALLY boring to watch.

The Informers-

I totally forgot this movie till I went and read the synopsis. I didn't get it THEN and I don't get it now. Were they vampires or just pasty whores? I think it was OBVIOUS someone was gay but it didn't play out (no pun intended). HERE'S the review I wrote for Jake.

Star Trek-
I didn't hate it. Winona Ryder: meh.

Watchmen-

HATED IT! Oh crap, ONE OF THE WORST FILMS I'VE EVER SEEN! EVER!!!!

2012-

I dug it. Captivating special effects and Amanda Peet was good. (Which I NEVER say...)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine-
I just watched the movie trailer again, and apparently the film is completely forgettable. Don't remember a thing.

I Love You, Man-

One of my favorite 'guy' films EVER! (Jason Segel: CALL ME. I love YOU, man!)

Last House on the Left-

This film was "A" SO VIOLENT. TOO VIOLENT and "B" SO BAD, I couldn't sit through it. I made it up until the part the father makes the son watch as he rapes a girl in the woods that the son brought home after they gang rape the girl's friend after stabbing her in the stomach and letting her bleed out AS they rape her. (Did I mention this was a film aimed at a teenage audience?) Apparently there's an UN-rated version. Ugh. Good luck with that.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs-
Totally enjoyable. Who knew?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-

If I had my way, I wouldn't have seen this film OR any of the one(s) to come. It's done. We get it: You fly on brooms and play quidditch and candles float. It's like they're saying: Who needs a story when you got all THAT going on? Right? RIGHT!?!??!

Wrong.

My Bloody Valentine 3D-
Didn't hate it. Even though I will say 3D is supposed to make things come out at you NOT add depth. This was one of the first times I saw the "NEW" 3D. ...and it made me miss Jaws 3 in 3D. Now, THAT was 3D!! GIMME SHARK GUTS SPEWING FROM THE SCREEN! YEAHH!!!!!!

Monsters vs. Aliens-
Not crap, but not great.

Paranormal Activity-
I hated that it was marketed as 'The NEW Blair Witch'. Why would you do that? Didn't you want people to think it was real? Instead you went in ALREADY knowing that it's a fake, so in between all the scary stuff (and there WAS SCARY STUFF! I HAD MY EYES COVERED AT THE END. COULDN'T DEAL.) there was scene after scene of BAD acting. BAD, BAD ACTING. Like, worse than anything on the CW Network. What was the point of that? So all the scary stuff was GREAT, all the scenes between (and there are A LOT of them) are so bad, it's scary.

Bruno-

Walked out. Went to ask for my money back and apparently I had sat through too much of the movie. (yeah, you're telling me!)

Precious-

Mo'Nique was FANTASTIC, Mariah had a moustache, I laughed, cried and was inspired. Lovely flick.

I will say that with all the hits AND misses of 2009... I didn't buy any of them on DVD. To me, that's the REAL sign of a good movie. (And if I'm correct, the last DVD I bought of a 'new release' was The Devil Wears Prada.)