Mamma Mia, that was longer than Schindler's List!

Well, last night was the Outfest advance screening of Mamma Mia! The Movie... and mamma mia was the movie awful.

For those of you who don't know (I didn't) Mamma Mia is about 20 year old Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) who is getting married and wants her father to give her away but guess what: SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HER FATHER IS! (Dun, dun, dun.) It could be any of three former lovers of her mother Donna, played by Meryl Streep and the only way to find out which one it is, is to invite all three to her wedding and see what happens.

In the beginning it looked like it had potential. (I mean the movie takes place on the beaches, cliffs and more cliffs of Greece, so if all else fails, cut to scenery, right? AND DON'T THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING FUN!?!?) Anyway, Amanda Seyfried wasn't that tragic. Sure she looks like an aryan Anne Hathaway, but I wasn't gonna hold that against her. (Casting didn't, so why should I?) You meet her bridesmaids and wish right away that they were having a smaller wedding, I mean who cares: WHERE'S MERYL STREEP?!?!?

By the grace of God, Christine Baranski hits the screen (in the WORST WIG EVER!!!) as Tanya along with her cohort Rosie played by British actress and comedienne Julie Walters. Baranksi is funny as usual and Walters is almost funnier.

BUT WHERE IS MERYL STREEP!??!?

Then like a theatrical goddess in overalls, Meryl Streep trots down the pier to pick the ladies up to take them back to the bed and breakfast that she is running...into the ground...and she needs Money, Money, Money just as we the audience need a good musical number.
THIS TRIO DOES NOT FAIL

We meet the former lovers/possible fathers Bill, Sam and Harry (Stellan Skarsgård, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth respectively) and pray they move the story back to the girls. ...and by girls I mean everyone but Sophie, because they are the only people of any interest. If Sophie speaks or sings one more time I'm gonna kill myself, just like she's slowly killing me.

Here's my issue with the film: Sophie invited the men to the wedding without her mother knowing so we have to witness her telling all three men the same tired story (or stories) over and over again... it was like watching Les Miserable. You know when everyone dies and then starts to come back: SHUT UP PEOPLE! MOVE THE STORY ALONG AND TELL ME SOMETHING NEW!!!! Ugh, it was awful. SO BORING. Laughable at parts it was so bad. Seriously, Pierce Brosnan's vocals were about as good as Johnny Depp's were in Sweeney Todd...if not gooder. (That wasn't a compliment Mr. Brosnan OR Mr. Depp.) AND THEY KEPT GIVING HIM MORE SOLOS TO SING!!!!

My other issue is Dominic Cooper who plays her fiance Sky, couldn't be gayer if he were me shitting glitter while twirling a baton and wearing a tiara. SHUT UP! I KNOW! Besides that Colin Firth was lovely, the "greek chorus" was VERY enjoyable and Meryl Streep had two show stopping numbers. (As if we'd expect anything less...)

Here's the end-all people: There were more songs in this LONG ASS MOVIE than there are in The King and I, A Little Night Music and Fiddler On the Roof rolled into one:

"I Have A Dream", "Honey, Honey", "Money, Money, Money", "Chiquitita", "Super Trouper", "Dancing Queen", "Our Last Summer", "Lay All Your Love On Me", "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)", "The Name Of The Game", "Voulez-Vous", "SOS", "Does Your Mother Know", "Slipping Through My Fingers", "The Winner Takes It All", "Under Attack", "Knowing Me, Knowing You", "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do", "Waterloo", "When All Is Said And Done", "Take A Chance On Me", "Mamma Mia (Reprise)", "I Have A Dream (Reprise)"....AND THEN A MEGA-MIX!!!!!

ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS!?!?!? The only good numbers were "Money, Money, Money", "Dancing Queen" and "The Winner Takes It All"... the later, showing here:


The rest, is trash.

Apparently if you liked the stage show, you'll hate the movie and if you liked the movie, you'll hate the stage show.
Well, I hate them both and I'm going to rent Brigadoon if that tells you anything.

Role Models

Cast (l to r) Christopher Mintz-Plasse,Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott and Bobb'e J. Thompson

Super Quick Review for Jake: I didn't hate it.

Quicker Review for Jake: On one hand I could see how some people would wait till this came out on DVD to see it (It's no male Drop Dead Gorgeous after all!) but there were two parts in this movie that people were laughing at how hard I was laughing. "Parts" were that funny.

Complete Review for Jake:
Seann William Scott plays Wheeler a slacker who is living the life of dressing up as a mascot for the energy drink company he's works at along with his best friend Danny. (Portrayed and co-written by Paul Rudd)

When Danny's girlfriend Beth, played finely by Elizabeth Banks, tells him that he has an attitude problem (which he TOTALLY does) she breaks up with him and frat guy comedy plot ensues. After they are both arrested for their energy drink-fueled bender, the court gives them a choice: go to jail and be raped or spend 150 hours with a mentoring program.

See, it's kinda boring.

At the mentoring center they meet their 'little buddies': Augie played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Ronnie portrayed by Bobb'e J. Thompson. Both great actors. Bobb'e as Ronnie is HY-STER-ICAL and Christopher as Augie is perfectly pathetic and full of heart in every way.

However, their characters are more than Danny and Wheeler can deal with and after one day with the kids, jail isn't looking like such a bad alternative. The woman who runs the center, Gayle Sweeny (played funnyily and crazily by Jane Lynch...don't judge my made up words...) tells them it's these boys or being raped in jail.

At this point it's a better movie than it sounds like, it's just the same old shit and you know how it's gonna end. I mean, Seann William Scott DOES full body rear nudity- (SHUT UP! I KNOW!) -and Paul Rudd is simply adorable always fully clothed, but still I gotta say with this film you get laughs, heart, lessons and resolve. It's a fine movie. It's good enough. Would I see it again? No. Would I stop someone from seeing it? No. It was enjoyable.

Here, watch the trailer. It gives A LOT away, but it's fun and has cussing:


Anyway, I guess my point is: I don't think you're supposed to expect much from films like this, so I didn't and I didn't think it was a waste of my money or time...unlike Mamma Mia. Ugh. I still resent having that experience burned in my brain...

9 to 5 The Musical

Last night I went to the first preview performance of the WORLD PREMIERE of 9 to 5 The Musical starring Allison Janney, Stephanie J. Block and Megan Hilty at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles and while it was a VERY exciting evening to be a part of (Dolly parton was in the house AND introduced the show) let's face it: it needs some work.


I KNOW IT'S THE FIRST PREVIEW AND THE FIRST TIME THEY RAN THE SHOW ALL COMPLETELY THROUGH (well, they almost did) but I think they shouldn't have tried to stay THAT close to the original script. My friend Sam said it best: They need an editing eye.

This show is long.

Like, I felt like I put in a full 8 hour day watching it.

Allison Janney was tired. I don't mean "that bitch's hair is tired" I mean EXHAUSTED. Her first song (and a few more) she TOTALLY "Henry Higgins-ed" it. (yep, that's a verb.)

Now I'm a HUGE fan of Ms. Janney's. I LOVED her in The West Wing, she was BRILLIANT in Drop Dead Gorgeous and honestly pretty much anything she's ever featured in, but here it seemed like her sense of timing was made for television and film and not for the stage. (Which is weird, I KNOW, because she was Tony Nominated for her performance in Arthur Miller's A View from the Bridge.) However, next to stage stars Stephanie J. Block (Boy From Oz, Wicked) and Megan Hilty (Wicked) she seemed to flounder.

Which sucks.


Musical Numbers:

The opening sequence of the title song 9 to 5, is fun. I don't know if it's smart, but it's fun.

Around Here tells the story of how it works at Consolidated while introducing Violet Newstead to Judy Bernly and a GENIUSLY PERFECT set.

Here For You is Franklin Hart's (Marc Kudisch) first song. While I get that he has to have a song to set up his character, they should cut a verse and get back to the girls. We get it, he's a pig. NEXT!

Out of Control is the song that takes the place of the copier scene with Judy. It starts out fantastic and then turns into some crappy hack number cut from Seussical.

Tattletales ... I think they changed the title to something about Gossip or it's now called Hey, Hey or something but here's the real gossip: Hey, Hey it's a bad song. It's all about how everybody gossips around the office and it then more or less introduces Judy to Doralee and features Ann Harada from the original cast of Avenue Q in a wasted role.

9 to 5 (Reprise) It's a reprise, it's amazing. What do you want from me?

The One I Love is a LOVELY song that brings background depth to our lead females characters. The 'Our Town' minimalisim sucks because you just came from the office, but it services a lovely song that a cabaret soloist is SURE to include in their repertore...

Backwoods Barbie is Doralee's first solo and is perfect. While people will be familiar with it from Dolly's latest album, it works really well in the show but for some reason lends itself to opening up the option that Doralee is as aware of herself as Dolly Parton is.

Dance O’ Death, Cowgirl’s Revenge and Potion Notion are all the dream sequences of killing Hart and the finale of the three is probably the best part. Not because it's over, but just because seeing everyone in their 'castle" outfits is pretty great. Judy's dream is TOTALLY different, which is a strange choice. Doralee's dream looks like Madonna's Don't Tell Me video and Violet's dream was just another example of how Ms. Janney isn't really up to selling a number no matter how fun it is.

Somewhere around here we're introduced to a B Plotline and a love interest for Violet. Why? I don't know, but Andy Karl as Joe is giving Dan Futterman a run for his money.

Heart to Hart is PROBABLY the best number of Act One, which is weird because Roz (Kathy Fitzgerald) sings it. (and since when does Roz deserve a song...let alone a C Plotline? Bizarre choice, but totally enjoyable)

I Killed the Boss! is the WORST solution to editting the steal-the-body-car-crash-pulled-over-by-the-cop-short-in-the-trunk-another-stiff-in-the-john scenes I've ever seen. It was like watching the Morphine Tango from the stage version of Kiss of the Spider Woman throw up on Some Fun Now from the film version of Little Shop of Horrors.

It was during this scene change that the set broke down, so Dolly Parton got up from her seat and brilliantly took matters into her own hands answering questions, describing her experience writing music for the show while working with the creators and THEN she got everyone in the audience to sing 9 to 5. When finding out they needed a little more time asked the orchestra to play I WIll Always Love You and asked the audience to sing along with her during the chorus:

From The Mezzanine

From the Floor.

Shine Like the Sun is the Act One Finale and was more or less worth the wait.


Now then, if you're still with me, which I wouldn't be because I sorta wanted to go home at this point, Act Two started:


Entr’acte, Self explanitory.

Around Here (Reprise) I'm pretty sure they cut this or it was just REALLY non-memorable.

One of the Boys This is TOTALLY Roxie from Chicago and I don't think Allison Janney was up for it. Which was sad, because there's a Think of Me from Phantom costume change in the middle of it and a chorus line of boys ala The American Dream from Miss Saigon and it just really seemed like she didn't care... I mean seriously: she tap-synced. WTF!?!?

5 to 9, sung by Roz. Yawn, cut it.

Mundania is Hart's OTHER number and let's just say it: YAWNIER. He's literally hanging above center stage like Peter Pan's flying machine broke midway through I'm Flying.

Willin’/Well-Oiled Machine is SUPER CUTE.

Get Out And Stay Out is as close to Defying Gravity from Wicked that Astonishing was from Little Women. Great number, good set, useless scene.

Let Love Grow Oy. Talk about a useless scene. This is the "love song" between Violet and Joe and it is sung on a planter. REALLY? A BROADWAY LOVE SONG ON A PLANTER IN AN ATRIUM OF AN OFFICE BUILDING? Yeah, it's just that awful.

Mundania (Reprise). Please make Hart stop singing. Not that Marc Kudisch is bad, not at all. It's just like Pierce Brosnan in the film version of Mamma Mia. ENOUGH ALREADY! Who cares? Move on!

Finale: 9 to 5. A BRILLIANT, FUNNY, ENERGECTIC end to the show.



Frankly they made bizarre changes that didn't need to be changed (Why would they change the nail file for Hart to escape to something else TOTALLY not within reason?) The final 1/3 of the second act could SO have been a montage and saved us all a lot of trouble. The love interest for Violet is so weird, because this show is such a GIRL POWER message, but then out of nowhere they need a guy to help them make it all happen. SHUT UP! I KNOW! What's THAT about? I couldn't tell if Doralee was the lead of the musical or if Megan Hilty was just THAT good.

Would I see it again? Here: No. On Broadway: Perhaps if I heard they made changes.

I am SO glad I got to go. I feel honored to have been there for the first night of something that can be TOTALLY amazing if they cut a bunch of stuff or fold as soon as the critics slaughter it in New York.

The Dark Knight

Now, I am NOT a big fan of action films, so when I was asked to go with my friends to see the the latest Batman movie I was in it more for spending time with people I love more than I was SOOOO excited about seeing this flick. With that being said: THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING GREAT!

With just one year passed after taking out Ra's Al Ghul's plan to have Gotham eliminated and the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Jonathan Crane AKA the Scarecrow, after the city was nearly plundered with his toxins, Bruce Wayne and his vigilante alter-ego the Batman, continue the seemingly-endless effort to bring order to Gotham, with the help of Lt. James Gordon and newly appointed District Attorney Harvey Dent, but a new threat has now emerged into the streets. The Dark Knight faces a rising psychopathic criminal called The Joker, who's eerie grin, laughter, and inhuman morality makes him more dangerous than what he has yet to unleash. It becomes an agenda to the Batman to stop the mysterious Joker at all cost, knowing that the both of them are in the opposite line. One with no method at all and seeks to see the world plunge into the fire he has yet to lit. One who represents the symbol of hope and uses his own shadow to bring the peace and order he has yet to accomplish on doing.

Oh, is THAT what it was about? Cause people were saying it was about 20 minutes too long...

I didn't think so.

I mean there could have been a little less of Maggie Gyllenhaal if I had my druthers. (Since when is Art-Deco an acting style, I ask you?) But don't get me wrong: she's fine in this and I wished I was her in the out-of-period-dress she wore in the party scene, but after loving her in Stranger Than Fiction, liking her in Happy Endings and loathing her in just about everything else she's not her brother in, I was very happy with this performance. (I think there was a compliment in there somewhere...at least there was supposed to be...)

Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman was serviceable. (No, not like that) His voice was a little Brenda Vicaro for me as Batman, but whatever, I love Brenda Vicaro. Heath Ledger was brilliant as The Joker. Academy Award winning, no. (But if Jennifer Hudson and Gwyneth Paltrow can win Oscars, SHUT UP! I KNOW!, he's a shoo in!) Aaron Eckhart (who I've never seen in anything before) was neat. (and I mean that in the Warren Beatty/Madonna/Truth or Dare kinda way) as Harvey Dent. I liked him A LOT better in his second half of the film. (and if you've already seen the film, he's a better actor when he's only half the man he's trying to be on screen.)

The Dark Knight has AMAZING action sequences, good story and and really delves into the characters we have grown to think we know. There's TONS of drama, funny bits and excellent suspense while giving us something new AND paying homage to the classic.

Now if I could just figure out why Morgan Freeman is the new God, my life would be complete.