For those of you who don't know (I didn't) Mamma Mia is about 20 year old Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) who is getting married and wants her father to give her away but guess what: SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO HER FATHER IS! (Dun, dun, dun.) It could be any of three former lovers of her mother Donna, played by Meryl Streep and the only way to find out which one it is, is to invite all three to her wedding and see what happens.
In the beginning it looked like it had potential. (I mean the movie takes place on the beaches, cliffs and more cliffs of Greece, so if all else fails, cut to scenery, right? AND DON'T THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING FUN!?!?) Anyway, Amanda Seyfried wasn't that tragic. Sure she looks like an aryan Anne Hathaway, but I wasn't gonna hold that against her. (Casting didn't, so why should I?) You meet her bridesmaids and wish right away that they were having a smaller wedding, I mean who cares: WHERE'S MERYL STREEP?!?!?
By the grace of God, Christine Baranski hits the screen (in the WORST WIG EVER!!!) as Tanya along with her cohort Rosie played by British actress and comedienne Julie Walters. Baranksi is funny as usual and Walters is almost funnier.
BUT WHERE IS MERYL STREEP!??!?
Then like a theatrical goddess in overalls, Meryl Streep trots down the pier to pick the ladies up to take them back to the bed and breakfast that she is running...into the ground...and she needs Money, Money, Money just as we the audience need a good musical number.
THIS TRIO DOES NOT FAILWe meet the former lovers/possible fathers Bill, Sam and Harry (Stellan Skarsgård, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth respectively) and pray they move the story back to the girls. ...and by girls I mean everyone but Sophie, because they are the only people of any interest. If Sophie speaks or sings one more time I'm gonna kill myself, just like she's slowly killing me.
Here's my issue with the film: Sophie invited the men to the wedding without her mother knowing so we have to witness her telling all three men the same tired story (or stories) over and over again... it was like watching Les Miserable. You know when everyone dies and then starts to come back: SHUT UP PEOPLE! MOVE THE STORY ALONG AND TELL ME SOMETHING NEW!!!! Ugh, it was awful. SO BORING. Laughable at parts it was so bad. Seriously, Pierce Brosnan's vocals were about as good as Johnny Depp's were in Sweeney Todd...if not gooder. (That wasn't a compliment Mr. Brosnan OR Mr. Depp.) AND THEY KEPT GIVING HIM MORE SOLOS TO SING!!!!
My other issue is Dominic Cooper who plays her fiance Sky, couldn't be gayer if he were me shitting glitter while twirling a baton and wearing a tiara. SHUT UP! I KNOW! Besides that Colin Firth was lovely, the "greek chorus" was VERY enjoyable and Meryl Streep had two show stopping numbers. (As if we'd expect anything less...)
Here's the end-all people: There were more songs in this LONG ASS MOVIE than there are in The King and I, A Little Night Music and Fiddler On the Roof rolled into one:
"I Have A Dream", "Honey, Honey", "Money, Money, Money", "Chiquitita", "Super Trouper", "Dancing Queen", "Our Last Summer", "Lay All Your Love On Me", "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)", "The Name Of The Game", "Voulez-Vous", "SOS", "Does Your Mother Know", "Slipping Through My Fingers", "The Winner Takes It All", "Under Attack", "Knowing Me, Knowing You", "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do", "Waterloo", "When All Is Said And Done", "Take A Chance On Me", "Mamma Mia (Reprise)", "I Have A Dream (Reprise)"....AND THEN A MEGA-MIX!!!!!
ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS!?!?!? The only good numbers were "Money, Money, Money", "Dancing Queen" and "The Winner Takes It All"... the later, showing here:
The rest, is trash.
Apparently if you liked the stage show, you'll hate the movie and if you liked the movie, you'll hate the stage show.
Well, I hate them both and I'm going to rent Brigadoon if that tells you anything.
