The Town

First off, I get that it's the #1 film at the box office right now, but frankly I don't care. I'll have nun of that, thank you very much.



Did I hate it? No. Was it good? Ugh. Would I see it again? No. Would I tell friends to go see it? If they think 'Boston Accent' = acting: Yes.

"The Town is an action crime thriller starring, co-written and directed by Ben Affleck that is based on Chuck Hogan's novel Prince of Thieves."

ooOOOOooooh. Sounds deep.

As you've probably seen by the trailer, a team of four masked-men and lifelong friends from the tough streets of Charlestown Massachusetts, rob a bank and after a silent alarm is tripped by one of the employees, Jem takes the bank manager hostage.

Hmmm. Okay. I'm intrigued.

Once the team has escaped from the bank, they let her go (Yep, you guessed it: the bank manager is a pretty and dateable woman) but the loose cannon co-boss "Jem" (NOT of the Holograms, thank you) quickly realizes from taking her driver's license that she lives four blocks from Gloansy (someone's last name) and decides he should confront her to make sure she does not speak to the authorities.

Hmmm...oh...kay... but then what hap-

Doug (Affleck) fears that Jem will make things worse ('cause he's a little crazy, ya see...) and takes on the assignment himself, following her and eventually meeting up with her at a laundromat where, after noticing she is still very shaken by the robbery, he asks her out on a date.

WHO WOULDN'T!?!?

The next night, before they go out, Claire confesses that she is still traumatize- YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA INTERRUPT HERE. Let me guess what happens? They fall in love? Am I right? AM I RIGHT?!?!?

Ugh. Wanna Walkout Point #1.

People: whatever you think is gonna happen. Is gonna happen. Lemme just tell you. The dialogue is laughable at parts. And I'm not just talking ME laughing out loud, I'm talking about MULTIPLE people laughing out loud and then other people laughing at those people because they were thinking the same thing. THAT is how bad the acting is.


Side note: Rebecca Hall you are NO Molly Ringwald. There will never be ANOTHER Molly Ringwald. Please stop.

Side, side note: Ben Affleck you are NO Ryan Reynolds. Put it and the accent away.


Okay where were we? Ah yes: Meanwhile, FBI agent Adam Frawley (Jon Hamm) is in charge of the case surrounding the recent robbery by MacRay and his crew. When Jem approaches Doug with another job, he initially turns it down, explaining that he is leaving town and taking blah, blah, blah...

Wanna Walkout Point #2

I didn't though, because I HAD to wait and see if someone who deserved to get shot was going to. Yep: THEY GOT ME! DAMN IT!!!

Was I glad I stayed? Honestly: yes. Much like a movie with Australian accents: once my ear adjusted, but in this case to the bad acting, there was some GREAT action. Like, better than Passenger 57. I liked the ending minus the VERY last shot. Again, laughable.

I have never thought ANYTHING about Ben Affleck, so after this performance that still holds. Um, I don't watch Mad Men, so I have NO idea about Jon Hamm but believe me when I say he's not picking up any new viewers from THIS gig. Jeremy Renner was fine. TYPICAL but fine. Blake Lively tried for her dear life to be Sharon Stone from Casino, alas no dice. Chris Cooper needed some money, so he's in there along with Victor Garber and Pete Postlethwaite.

If I were you, I would just Netflix it...and then Facebook while you're waiting for the action scenes.