The 2006 Oscars

Let's start with the red carpet of the 78th Academy Awards, shall we?


LOVE the color, hate the drapery. I would LOVE to see the rest of the room she pulled this Gone With The Wind number from. And what's with the Asian tranny/pulled back mannequin meets poor girl prom hair thing that's going on? AND WHERE ARE HER TITS? AND IS SHE PREGNANT? ALSO I haven't seen the press release, but is her husband dying too? Yowzers!


I'm not even going to aBROACH the problem with this picture.

(See what I did there? Thank you...thank you VERY much...)

Oh NO she didn't! You're fucking kidding me right?! What's bigger: her hair, that bow or her gaul? Didn't I drive through the bottom of her dress last week when I got my car washed?

When she won I thought to myself: 'this marriage is about as over as a bustle on the red carpet.'

"No seriously we JUST woke up, threw this on and came here...SERIOUSLY! I SWEAR!!!" AND WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE PEOPLE, IS THAT SHE'S WEARING WHITE SHOES!!!
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Now the show:

I didn't HATE Jon Stewart persay, I just wished Ellen had hosted. I didn't think he was bad, but I didn't really think he was that funny either... Ebert & Roeper LOVED him so I'm gonna have to hate him. Sorry Jon. I like you better in half hour increments...but I will say this: you said two things that really got me. The first was when It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp won and you came out and said "Now THAT'S how people should act when they win an Oscar!" Right!? I totally agree with you.


I liked that George Clooney had a short, sweet and honest speech. Nicely done. I hated that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a big disheveled pig who couldn't brush (let alone cut) his hair for something as important as the Oscars. AND UNCROSS YOUR ARMS YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOB! Ugh!






Okay what else? The Wallace & Gromit guys: there is only one thing I hate more then Horizontal stripes and it's horizontal stripes when used for schtick. (However if it's the big cute French guy carrying a penguin, I'm all for schtick! J'TAIME Luc Jacquet!!!)

Oh how I miss Febreeze Fabrice...












Now I fell IN LOVE with Miss Jenny Garner after '13 Going On 30' and her almost slip and recover was just another example of how charming, real and becoming this young lady is. Way to Go Jen!


















My favorite moment of the night. Two hysterical, fabulous professionals who KNOW how to captivate/entertain/work material/steal the show.















In my opinion Uma Thurman stole the night as THE most beautiful woman of the evening. That dress, that hair, the make-up, her poise, the walk. She was amazing. Thank you Uma for showing us how a true woman acts.














and then there's THESE two! WTF?! This is the second thing that Jon Stewart said that KILLED me: "Next year, I'm wearing Overalls!" SHUT UP! I KNOW! I am SO sure!!!

...at least he wasn't wearing a bolo tie, right?