King Kong...or as I like to call it: King GONG!

Oh my God I want to die.

Three Hours?!?!?! Three hours I will never get back!!!! Three FREAKIN' Hours of what: 82 storylines???? AGGHHHHH!!!!!!!



Okay, Me and Klotzy went to see King Kong and I think I have yet another title for these reviews: "And it's called a Bargain Matinee because WHY?"

Webster's Dictionary definition of BARGAIN is: "Something whose value considerably exceeds its cost."

UMM, HELLO!??!?!?! The last film I saw that even remotely came close was...well... The Legend Of Billie Jean I guess... (I am SO writing a strongly worded letter to someone about this! ...)

ANYWAY: King Gong, I went to the bathroom twice and refilled my drink once. There. That's my review.

Would you like a more in depth with bouts of screaming in CAPS? Okay then:

I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT! (Not as bad as The Butterfly Effect or Rumor Has It (don't get me started on THAT one) but it was awful.) Jack Black can lick my crack. MMM-K?

Dinosaurs? What are you kidding me? What does that have to do with anything?!!!?

And what's the problem with that Captain? And the creepy kid! What's HIS deal? Or Chocolat from Moulin Rouge? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!? Is this movie called King Kong and Friends? No. I don't think so.

I will say Naomi Watts I didn't hate and usually I do. She's got a great face for hats.

But what the fuck is that casting? The extras, exteriors, interiors, wardrobe... ALL period but THEN THAT LEAD CAST? YOU MUST BE JOKING!!!?!

Fine, the action was great. BUT WHAT DID IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? That final scene was out of that 80's video game Rampage for God's sake...

Fine, there was that one part I couldn't watch because it was so gross/creepy/disgusting... I'm sure I could have watched it had it had ANYTHING to do with anything!!!

(Breathe...Breathe.... inhale...exhale...)

But guess what Marys, IT DIDN'T!

However, when the elephant sank or whatever happened at the end, Naomi Watts was pretty genius (in other words I was moved) but to have it wrapped up with Jack Black's stupid line about how the airplanes didn't kill it. Beauty killed the beast. OH MY GOD I WANT TO DIE.

Oh, and I'm starting a fund to get a nose job for Adrien Brody... he looks like one of those guys from Spy Vs. Spy...